What Comes Because of Him

Goodness, I love the video I included above. I would watch it weekly on my mission, sometimes two or three times in a row, because I love the power in it. It explains my feelings and so much more, in a much better way than I ever could. So watch it! You will not regret it.

Sometimes I just stop and think about life. I think of my future, interested and sometimes a little scared for what is to come. I recently just decided to change my major - again. I am excited, and I am hoping I am making the right choice. While I can imagine future aspects of my life, I cannot do much more than that and taking each moment as they come. Fortunately, I can trust in a perfect God's plan for me, knowing that He will help guide me through the good times and the hard times in order to help me learn, grow, progress, and become.

The most relief, as is the theme of the video above, comes through Christ. That because of Him, we can have hope in the future. We can know that when (not if) we make mistakes, they can be overcome and improved through Him. We can know that He will support us in our loneliest moments. I love the moment in the video when a man just falls on Christ. I think of how often I lean on Him, or even fall on Him, and I can not imagine me being who I am today without Him. As I think of the future, one that is hopefully and utterly reliant on Christ, my heart yearns to partake of His goodness and love.

Maybe these are just ramblings... But to me, they mean everything. It is little moments like this, when I take the time to remember my God and the personal, deep love that He has for me as evidenced through His Son, Jesus Christ, that my worries melt away. My mind is lifted up, and my future no longer has earthly bounds, but rather I think of the day when I can return to a heavenly home. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and when life gets hard, it is that light I can hold on to.

Don't forget how loved you are!

Being Patient with Yourself

I feel like lately I have been learning about the importance of being patient - especially with myself, which I think can be the hardest kind of patience. 

When I am asked the biggest thing that I learned on my mission, I usually say patience. At the beginning of my mission, I studied the chapter in Preach My Gospel about the Christlike attributes, and I decided that I wanted to develop patience especially on my mission. I began to pray for it, study it, and try to develop it, but I really did not change by myself, but only through the help of my loving Heavenly Father. During a large part of my mission, I doubted my efforts as I was not seeing the type of success that I thought I should be seeing. Little did I know, but all of those things were happening to me for a reason. Heavenly Father placed me through all of those situations in order to fulfill my desire to be more patient, and it was not until I had a moment of realization that I became so grateful for each of the hard moments and who they were helping me become. I feel like because of my mission, I am able to look at trials more positively, remembering always that I am meant to go through it for a greater reason that aligns with God's plan for me. 

Although I have that faith and belief in God's timing, I feel like I still doubt myself and my efforts a lot. When I returned from my mission to "normal life", I had so many goals and plans for what I wanted to do. However, when I was not doing every single one of them perfectly, I would become extremely depressed and self-critical. I was forgetting to be patient with myself. Fortunately, where I was lacking, God provided, showing me ultimate patience and mercy. 

It has not been until just recently (just the past few weeks) that I have been learning to be more patient with myself. Rather than look at everything I should be doing and am not and getting overwhelmed, I have been trying to take it one thing at a time.

For the past month or so, I had been praying to know what I could do to overcome a certain trial that I am going through right now. We had stake conference last Sunday, and the answer came there of something I needed to do to begin the process of change. After church, I went and did that which I was prompted to do, and I immediately felt so much peace. I knew that I had received that guidance from Heavenly Father, and I felt so much hope and so much light that I could overcome this trial, which I had not felt in a long time. I felt like I had completed the first step towards change. Through this, I have learned that change comes as we focus on one thing at a time and seek to complete it. Doing so is so much less overwhelming and brings so much peace. 

In the meantime, I am also learning about the importance of being patient and realistic with myself. I am learning to recognize what I can and cannot do, and I try to not get angry at my self if I cannot complete everything. I also try to give myself breaks and focus on the things I can control. This is helping me so much. I feel like I am just in the beginning of learning this, but it has it start somewhere, right?

Let us remember to try to see ourselves as our loving Heavenly Father sees us! He loves us so much, and I know by following His guidance, we can become happier. 

Here are a few things that made me smile this week:

• I got a picture with Cosmo, the BYU mascot! It has been my dream to get a pic with him, and it finally happened after an intense football game! 
• I did my first corn maze! It was at night and it was really easy to get turned around and lost, but it was fun nevertheless! 
• I have the dream calling right now: FHE mom! It's the exact calling that I wanted, and I love my little family. We carved pumpkins on Monday! I went and got the pumpkins at the store, and it required me to crawl all over in order to find the prettiest pumpkins - only the best for my family! It was great. 
• Hugs and backscratches from close friends :)

All About Perception

This week, I read a short blurb on Facebook about Thomas Edison, probably one of the smartest that the world has had in its history. It said,

"One day Thomas Edison came home and gave a paper to his mother. He told her, 'My teacher gave this paper to me and told me to only give it to my mother.' His mother's eyes were tearful as she read the letter out loud to her child: 'Your son is a genius. This school is too small for him and doesn't have enough good teachers for training him. Please teach him yourself.' Many, many years after Edison's mother died and he was now one of the greatest inventors of the century, one day he was looking through old family things. Suddenly he saw a folded paper in the corner of a drawer in a desk. He took it and opened it up. On the paper was written: 'Your son is addled [mentally ill]. We won't let him come to school any more.' Edison cried for hours and then he wrote in his diary: 'Thomas Alva Edison was an addled child that, by a hero mother, became the genius of the century." 

I loved that! That through a change of perspective, through a different lens, we see people as they truly are, and as they can become. In the women's conference this year as a part of General Conference, there was a video that highlighted a woman that was so great at seeing the strengths of others. One part that I remember said something about how a friend does not see someone for their weaknesses, but rather for their strengths.

I am so grateful for my mission because it helped teach me about seeing everyone as God sees them. I remember I would meet some people that may have made some terrible mistakes in life, but I remember and still feel just as vividly the love that I have for them. One woman in specific was in my third area. My companion and I were walking around in the cold Kentucky winter when we saw a woman smoking on her balcony; the only one besides us willing to brave the cold. At first we did not see her, but she called down to us, asking us what we were doing in skirts in such cold weather. We introduced ourselves as missionaries, and after talking for a little while, she invited us inside, warning us, "But just so you know, I do not talk about God!" We went for it anyway, and we had this great talk. She had been addicted to pain killers off and on in her life, and she was not happy. Although she did not want to originally talk about God, it ended up happening and we were able to talk openly for about an hour about the saving and cleansing power that comes through Christ. At the end of the discussion, we left her with a prayer and she sent us on our way with various snacks. Thinking about me makes me miss her. I think of all those people that I met, lost and struggling, and I miss them and love them so much, and I think it is because I could always see their potential. I remember lessons or first acquaintances when Heavenly Father would bless me with a vision of what this person could become.

It is so easy to discredit ourselves and to not see all the good that we are doing. I will be the first to admit that I do that often. I am taking an Etiquette class (I try to take a fun class every semester) and it is amazing. While I doubt that I will remember every rule that I am learning, I love the class even more because it is changing me into a better person. Every class, I realize one thing that I can improve in how I treat others around me. I consider myself a fairly nonjudgmental person (thanks to various life circumstances and especially my mission), but there are always so many ways in which we can improve. I think it all really comes down to being in the moment, without the distractions of phones and other worldly things, to focus on others and their strengths. I know that through others, I have felt God's love and I hope that I can somehow do the same for others.

So this week, I have a more determined resolve to give people more credit and try to treat people as Christ would. I have realized that as I pray for help on this, God always helps me to realize in the moment an opportunity to improve. Included in this, I hope to try to see my potential more as well and allow myself that same patience and love that is easier to give to others.

A few things from the week that made me smile:

• Watching my roommates somehow get into a cheese fight, throwing cheese at each other. Haha. 
• Seeing David Archuleta twice in one week! <3
• When people make me dinner after a long day (I am surrounded by angels) :)

Overcoming Darkness

This past weekend, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints had its 185th General Conference, which happens biannually and allows members from all around the world to hear from the leaders of the church and receive the guidance needed to continue forward in a crazy world. It is eight hours of listening to these inspired speakers spread over two days. On my mission, I think I really learned how awesome General Conference can be, and how it really can help us to shape our lives if we allow it to. I learned that if we come prepared with questions that we can really find personal answers and know what to work on.

This year, I feel like the theme of the speakers for me was joy and overcoming darkness, which was exactly what I needed and what I had asked questions about. I never knew how hard coming home from a mission would be; it has probably been the second biggest growing period for me after my mission itself. Growing is great though, as you notice the mercy and hand of God in your life so much more.

Here are a few of the quotes that I liked from conference:

• From President Dieter F. Uchtdorf when we are not feeling that joy (satisfaction through the gospel): "Start where you are. Sometimes we get depressed when we feel like we need to be more. God will take you as you are. He does not give up on us, because He sees us as who we will become." 
• From Sister Neill F. Marriott: "If we earnestly appeal to God, He takes us as we are - and makes us more than we ever imagined. Healing of our hearts begins when we turn it to God. We do not just try and try on our own. God takes us how we are."  
• From President Thomas S. Monson: "Sometimes with all the trials of life, our light may dim, but through the help of Heavenly Father and others, we can brighten that light and then share it with others."  

I think back on my mission on my own personal hard days or on the hard, dark days of investigators, members, or random strangers. What tended to get us through was prayer and feeling the love of God and of others. I remember a random man we contacted outside his apartment who was drinking. We went up to him, sat down, and tried talking to him. At first, he was quiet, but as we began to learn about all of his trials, he opened up and we were able to have an amazing conversation about God's love and Christ's power. I saw a man filled with darkness and sadness begin to find a little bit more light in his life. At the end, he dumped out the rest of his alcohol that he had been drinking, dedicated to changing. 

This week, I had some of those dark days. It is midterm time here already, and I was feeling very stressed and very insufficient. Though so hard, those dark days are teaching me so much. I think all in all, I am learning that the gospel is really designed to help us. I usually try praying and also listening to various hymns, or watching videos produced by the church. Secondly, my gratitude cannot be expressed enough for the angel friends and family I have around me that lift me up and bring me light. I always leave happier after I am with them. 

The solution sounds simple: Center our lives on Christ and we can find the light we seek. However, there is a lot that goes into that, and as I am currently learning, it is a day by day process and fight. I think that is how it should be though; the best things are the things that we work for. 

Two of my very best friends - we went to women's conference together in Salt Lake last Saturday! 

We had a mission reunion on Friday! Here's some of the missionaries that served in Owensboro (my first area)

In every mission email that I would send home to my family, I would include a list of the things that made me smile. I usually had at least one thing from everyday, which would make the hard days easier. So I thought I should do that here: 

• After walking across campus in the pouring rain (umbrella and coatless, mind you) to go take a test, I arrived drenched at the Testing Center to find the line out the door, meaning I would have to continue standing in the rain. The guy in front of me in line took one look at me and immediately started taking off his hooded raincoat and gave it to me to wear until we got back inside. Thank you random stranger! 
• Getting Salted Caramel cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory after women's conference!
• Seeing all my friends from my mission. I am lucky they are in my life! They are hilarious. 

Until next time, y'all!