Letter to Myself

(sorry, this post took longer to get on here - it took me a while to put everything down that I wanted to!)

A letter to read when I am being hard on myself (written after a week where I had five midterms, hopefully it can help some of y'all also):

Dear Nicole,

If you are reading this, it means you are being hard on yourself again. That's okay; it probably just means that you are just being your awesome self and trying to go above and beyond. Hey, but because you are reading this, that means that you recognize the negative thoughts and you want to change them - way to go! That's the first step.

Here's a few things to think about that might help you in this moment:

"Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are." -Jeffrey R. Holland 

Alma 26:12: "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."

Ether 12:27: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." 

Romans 8:31: "What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?"

The Continuous Atonement/His Grace is Sufficient - Brad Wilcox (amazing book, by the way, for those looking for a life-changing read)

The Metaphor of the Piano

Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. How many know what I am talking about? Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.

If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing (“Gosh, Mom, why do I need to practice? None of the other kids have to practice! I’m just going to be a professional baseball player anyway!”), perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.

In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say, “Follow me” (Matthew 4:19), “Keep my commandments” (John 14:15). If we see His requirements as being way too much to ask (“Gosh! None of the other Christians have to pay tithing! None of the other Christians have to go on missions, serve in callings, and do temple work!”), maybe it is because we do not yet see through Christ’s eyes. We have not yet comprehended what He is trying to make of us.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks has said, referring to President Spencer W. Kimball’s explanation, “The repenting sinner must suffer for his sins, but this suffering has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change” (The Lord’s Way [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1991], 223; emphasis in original). Let’s put that in terms of our analogy: The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change.

“But Brother Wilcox, don’t you realize how hard it is to practice? I’m just not very good at the piano. I hit a lot of wrong notes. It takes me forever to get it right.” Now wait. Isn’t that all part of the learning process? When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with progress in the right direction. Why is this perspective so easy to see in the context of learning piano but so hard to see in the context of learning heaven?

Forget Me Not - Elder Uchtdorf

"Five things we would be wise to never forget":

1. Forget not to be patient with yourself. "Be thankful for all the small successes... these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him."

2. Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. 

3. Forget not to be happy now. "If we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us. This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don't close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day's ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life."

4. Forget not the "why" of the gospel. "The 'what' and 'how' of obedience mark the way and keep us on the right path. The 'why' of obedience sanctifies our actions, transforming the mundane into the majestic. It magnifies our small acts of obedience into holy acts of consecration."

• I think this can go for anything we are doing - find the why and we will be so much more excited and motivated to live it. 

5. (and my favorite) Forget not that the Lord loves you. "Wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love. Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time! He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name."

Are those quotes/ideas not amazing or what?? However, the most important thing is that you say a prayer. Say it right now, this instant! Because there is no way that you can be sincerely praying and still feel those self-critical thoughts. You are a child of God, and He did not make you to feel that way about yourself. You have so much potential. Talk with Him and see - He will let you know how He sees you and you will feel of His overpowering, life-changing love.

Think back to the mission, to some of the hardest days, when you would fall down on your knees and pour your heart out to the Lord, when you would ask if your work for the day was sufficient. Gosh, just writing about those moments bring back all the power and emotion that accompanied them. The best thing is, you can still do the same today! God will answer you and let you feel of His love, confirming that you are doing your best. 

I'll just leave this video here. Here's the best quote: "Don't give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead - a lot of it. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

You got this.

The Waves of Life

The past couple weeks, our YSA stake has focused a lot on Elder Ballard's recently highlighted topic of "staying in the old ship Zion." Basically, Elder Ballard hopes to use the imagery of a ship to represent the gospel, and it has been his counsel that we stay within it (the church) while holding on with both hands. In so doing so, we are able to navigate our way successfully through life, knowing that God is the one guiding the ship. 

Today in church, I was thinking about that message more. I was thinking about how leaving the ship means you get off and go into the cold water where the waves wash over you, leaving you cold, stuck, and in danger. In the ship, you will still feel the waves, but you are able to handle them much better being surrounded by the safety of the ship. 

This led me to think further about two specific stories from Christ's life:

1. Calming the Tempest (Mark 4: 36-41)

• In this story, Christ is in the ship with his disciples. He falls asleep, but then a terrible storm with lots of waves come. They finally wake Him up and ask Him if He cares at all if they die. Christ, in response, says, "Peace be still", ending the winds and the waves. He then asks His disciples why they were so fearful, when they could have had faith that it would all turn out alright. 
• I was thinking about what that means for us who are in the boat. Just because we have the gospel does not mean that we are guaranteed a safe journey. Life still has its waves, but rather than be fearful, we can trust in God and His plan, choosing faith instead. 

      2.  Peter Walks on Water (Matthew 14:22-33)

• This story is a little different, because it is about someone that gets out of the ship. It was a windy night with lots of waves and Christ's disciples were on the ship. All of a sudden, they spot someone walking on the water, scared that it is a spirit. Christ reassures them, revealing that it is Him walking on the water. Peter asks if He can leave the ship to go to Him, and after Christ consents, he lowers himself into the water and begins walking towards Christ. However, he looks down at the large waves, fearful of drowning, making him lose sight of Christ and begin to sink. Christ then reaches out, catching Peter, and guides him back to the boat.
• My interpretation is not perfect, but I was thinking about how the waves outside of the ship can make us sink. If we are not careful, leaving the gospel will not help us but may lead us to drown. However, I love knowing that Christ is out on the waves. He does not stay in the ship, waiting for our return, but He is out diligently waiting to catch us and guide us back to safety. 

I remember a time on my mission that was really hard. I was struggling personally, and the work was really hard. One of my favorite investigators called us, and told us he did not think that he could continue to learn. It crushed me. My heart seemed to break right there on the spot. I remember I felt like I was drowning in the waves of everything I felt I had to do and was not succeeding at. A few days earlier, we had gone to a conference and someone had shared the story about Peter walking on water, and how when we feel like drowning, we need to refocus our sights on Christ and not on the waves, in order to rise up again. In the midst of all of my sadness that day on my mission, I tried to grasp hold of this concept. It worked for me; it pulled me out of the depression and it was a big turning point for me on my mission that has helped to make me who I am today. 

I just love the gospel of Jesus Christ, It really does bring so much happiness and purpose to my life. I am especially grateful for Christ, who always catches me and supports me in the waves of life. 

Some things that made me smile from the week:

• Dressing up as the emotions from Inside Out with my roommates and hosting a Halloween party!
• Making a tres leches cake :)
• Officially changing my major to something that will make me happy! :)